So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
