you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
