You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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