I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
