I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
