Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
why do cheetos always look like penises
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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