she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just googled if crying burns calories
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
how drunk are you?
Several
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
