You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
