yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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