so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
