grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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