3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
