You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
