so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
