i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
