Duck Duck Cougar?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
