But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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