I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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