Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
