I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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