i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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