The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Small penises have feelings too.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
