you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
