Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
