Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Welp...herpes.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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