I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
