don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
