i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I fill condoms, not promises.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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