I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
