seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
