Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
