Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
