I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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