What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
