Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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