He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
