Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
