Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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