I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
