This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
