Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
