I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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