Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
