Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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