I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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