i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
