you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's shark week go big or go home
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
