chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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