What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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