Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
