Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
