Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
