I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
