Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
